How to Identify Your Values and Improve Your Life

Naming your non-negotiables is a powerful first step toward living an intentional and fulfilling life.

In a previous post, I mentioned:

"It takes practice to make your non-negotiables a part of your every day, but it is worth the effort—especially when they are rooted in your values."

At first, you might assume you need to identify your core values before defining your non-negotiables, but I believe the opposite is true. Your non-negotiables naturally reflect your values. It’s often easier to recognize what fulfills you at the end of the day or what leaves you unsettled when ignored.

Why Identifying Your Core Values Matters

Your values are the foundation of how you live and work. They shape your decisions, priorities, and relationships. When your actions align with your values, you experience a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and inner peace. However, when there’s a disconnect, you may feel frustrated, unfulfilled, or uncertain about your direction.

You might wonder:

“If my values are already influencing my life, why should I bother identifying them?”

The answer is clarity and intentionality. When you clearly define your values, you can:

• Make confident decisions without second-guessing yourself

• Set meaningful goals that align with your true priorities

• Strengthen your personal and professional relationships

• Create a sense of stability, even in challenging times

A Simple Process to Identify Your Core Values

If identifying your core values feels overwhelming, don’t worry—you’re not alone. When my coach first asked to list mine, I put off the exercise, fearing I’d get it "wrong." But once I pushed through, the results affirmed what I already knew deep down.

Here’s a simple process to help you uncover your core values:

1. Reflect on What Brings You Fulfillment

• Think about moments when you’ve felt the most satisfied and fulfilled.

• Identify common themes in both your personal and professional life.

• Ask yourself: What characteristics are present when I’m having my best day?

2. Identify Key Values

• Search for a list of common values online or brainstorm your own.

• Highlight the words that resonate most with you.

• Remember, all values are meaningful, but you’re looking for the ones that define you the most.

3. Gain Outside Perspective

• Ask your spouse, close friends, or colleagues what values they believe you embody.

• Be open to their feedback—it can provide insights you might overlook.

• Use their input to refine and validate your list.

4. Narrow It Down

• Select your top 5-7 values.

• If you’re struggling, rate each one on a scale of 1-10 based on its importance.

• If two values rank the same, ask yourself: If I could satisfy only one, which would I choose?

Your Next Step

Now that you’ve identified your core values integrate them into your daily life. Use them to guide decision-making, goal-setting, and even setting boundaries. The more you align your life with your values, the more purpose and satisfaction you’ll experience.

Many of life's decisions are determined by what you value most.

For example, how you use your time, the job you take, and how you raise your family are based on your values. When you identify your values and intentionally make them a part of your life, you will feel confident that your life is not a result of “going with the flow.” It's essential and comforting to rely on your values and use them as a guiding force to point you in the right direction.

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Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to listen to this episode of The Family Culture Project. Ep. 6 What are Values, and Why are They Important? (Now the Build Your Best Family podcast.)

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Feeling Overwhelmed? Don't worry! 

I have created a Core Values Kit that will walk you through the process. You can download it for FREE. 

How Daily Non-Negotiables Transformed My Life (And How They Can Change Yours Too!)

There was a time when my schedule was pure chaos. I juggled family responsibilities, a ministry, and ambitious ideas—yet I constantly felt like I was falling behind. Every day was a race to "get it all done," but deep down, I knew something had to change.

So, I hired a life coach. I expected help with my online presence, but what she gave me was far more valuable. One of her first questions stopped me in my tracks:

💬 "What are your daily non-negotiables?"

In other words, What five things must happen each day for you to feel good about your life?

At the time, everything felt negotiable. Life's urgent demands dictated my day rather than intentional priorities. But this simple question forced me to rethink how I approached my time.

What Are Non-Negotiables?

Non-negotiables are pre-decided commitments based on your values and beliefs. They are the things you will not compromise in areas like family, relationships, faith, or personal growth.

When I sat down to define mine, I realized they weren't grand achievements—they were the small, meaningful actions that left me feeling fulfilled. My list included:

✅ Time with God – Prayer, Bible reading, or quiet reflection.

✅ Quality time with my kids – Talking, reading, homework, or bedtime routines.

✅ A tidy (not perfect) house – Simply ensuring everything has its place.

✅ Creative expression – Writing, designing, or organizing something.

✅ Connection with my husband – Even just a meaningful conversation.

Once I identified these priorities, I made intentional space for them in my day. It wasn't about rigid schedules but ensuring these essential things always happened. Over time, they became habits that brought clarity, peace, and a renewed sense of control over my life.

How to Identify Your Non-Negotiables

If you feel like life is running you instead of the other way around, try this simple process:

1️⃣ Brainstorm what truly matters. Imagine designing an ideal day that aligns with your values and responsibilities. Write down everything that comes to mind.

2️⃣ Choose five (or fewer). Prioritize what's realistically achievable. Consistently doing a few things is better than taking on too much and feeling discouraged.

3️⃣ Schedule them. Block time in your calendar for your non-negotiables. They don't have to happen at the same time daily—make sure they happen.

The Power of Non-Negotiables

Your daily habits shape your life. The more you intentionally align your routine with what truly matters, the more control you'll feel over your time—and ultimately, your future.

When I prioritized my non-negotiables, I no longer felt overwhelmed or like a victim of my to-do list. I had clarity, peace, and realistic expectations for how to manage the rest of my time.

✨ Are you ready to take back control of your days? Start small, stay consistent, and watch your life transform.

How to Stop Just Surviving and Start Living Intentionally: A Guide to Taking Control of Your Life

Many mornings, I woke up feeling utterly overwhelmed, exhausted, and hopeless.

My life was good on the surface—I had a loving family, a comfortable home, and a full calendar. But beneath it all, I felt like I had no real control over my days. I juggled housework, school drop-offs, sports practices, volunteering, and meal planning. On rare occasions, I squeezed in some writing. Somehow, I managed to get it all done—albeit with a few mishaps—but I never felt like I was truly excelling at anything.

Somewhere in the chaos of suburban life, my deepest values, beliefs, and dreams had gotten lost. I wasn't thriving; I was merely surviving.

And then there were the creative ideas—the ones I never pursued. I felt stretched too thin, disconnected from real community, and desperate to do something well.

A Defining Moment

I started asking myself:

• Where do I want my family to be five years from now?

• What do I want us to be known for?

• How are we going to get there?

I wanted more than survival—I wanted a life of meaning and purpose beyond just conquering a to-do list.

Can you relate?

What Is Intentional Living?

For me, intentional living is about deciding what you want your life to look like, defining what truly matters, and actively pursuing it.

According to Wikipedia:

"Intentional living is any lifestyle based on an individual or group's conscious attempts to live according to their values and beliefs. These can include lifestyles based on religious or ethical values, as well as coaching, personal transformation, and leadership training."

But let's be clear—intentional living will NOT:

❌ Give you a perfect life

❌ Make you look like you have it all together

❌ Put you in the spotlight

❌ Provide all the answers

For a long time, I believed living with purpose, controlling my time, and pursuing my dreams was impossible. But I was wrong.

How I Shifted from Overwhelmed to Intentional

Here are the steps I took to regain control and create a life aligned with my values:

1. Decide to change.

How you've done things in the past does not have to dictate your future. Every day is an opportunity to make a different choice. But change requires courage—you may need to break old habits and step into discomfort.

💡 Truth: You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

2. Identify what you want to change.

What areas of your life feel unfulfilling? What do you wish were different?

For me, I realized I was spread too thin. I wanted to stop being a "Jack of all trades" and instead focus on one thing deeply enough to do it well.

3. Define your non-negotiables.

Someone once asked me, "What are the five things that must happen every day for you to feel good?" Answering this was hard at first, but it gave me clarity. Over time, my non-negotiables have evolved, but they remain a guiding force in my daily decisions.

4. Clarify your values.

What truly matters to you and your family? Your values shape how you live, work, and interact with others. While many values are worthwhile, yours should reflect what is most important to you.

5. Examine how you spend your time.

Do you have enough time for what truly matters? Take a realistic look at your schedule. Track your time in blocks and assign specific activities to those blocks.

You might realize:

✅ You've been expecting too much from yourself.

✅ You're wasting time on things that don't align with your values.

✅ You have more control over your schedule than you think.

This step takes refinement, but it's life-changing.

6. Connect with like-minded people.

One of the best things I did was surround myself with others who were also striving to live intentionally. Whether it was a friend, an online community, or a mentor, having support and encouragement made all the difference.

You don't have to do this alone. A life coach, accountability partner, or even just a trusted friend can help you stay focused and motivated.

The Results of Living Intentionally

My life is far from perfect. But today, I make more thoughtful decisions for my family and myself. I no longer feel like life is just happening to me—I have clarity and purpose in how I use my time. And the best part? I see the fruits of living with intention:

✅ A more peaceful, connected home environment

✅ Progress toward personal and professional goals

✅ A deep sense of fulfillment

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Are you ready to shift from surviving to thriving? 

Feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of family life? Take back control with our Frazzled to Focused mini-course! Learn how to simplify your schedule, prioritize what truly matters, and integrate self-care—all while building a life that reflects your deepest values. Say goodbye to stress and hello to clarity, balance, and intention. Enroll today and start living with purpose!