How to Stop Just Surviving and Start Living Intentionally: A Guide to Taking Control of Your Life

Many mornings, I woke up feeling utterly overwhelmed, exhausted, and hopeless.

My life was good on the surface—I had a loving family, a comfortable home, and a full calendar. But beneath it all, I felt like I had no real control over my days. I juggled housework, school drop-offs, sports practices, volunteering, and meal planning. On rare occasions, I squeezed in some writing. Somehow, I managed to get it all done—albeit with a few mishaps—but I never felt like I was truly excelling at anything.

Somewhere in the chaos of suburban life, my deepest values, beliefs, and dreams had gotten lost. I wasn't thriving; I was merely surviving.

And then there were the creative ideas—the ones I never pursued. I felt stretched too thin, disconnected from real community, and desperate to do something well.

A Defining Moment

I started asking myself:

• Where do I want my family to be five years from now?

• What do I want us to be known for?

• How are we going to get there?

I wanted more than survival—I wanted a life of meaning and purpose beyond just conquering a to-do list.

Can you relate?

What Is Intentional Living?

For me, intentional living is about deciding what you want your life to look like, defining what truly matters, and actively pursuing it.

According to Wikipedia:

"Intentional living is any lifestyle based on an individual or group's conscious attempts to live according to their values and beliefs. These can include lifestyles based on religious or ethical values, as well as coaching, personal transformation, and leadership training."

But let's be clear—intentional living will NOT:

❌ Give you a perfect life

❌ Make you look like you have it all together

❌ Put you in the spotlight

❌ Provide all the answers

For a long time, I believed living with purpose, controlling my time, and pursuing my dreams was impossible. But I was wrong.

How I Shifted from Overwhelmed to Intentional

Here are the steps I took to regain control and create a life aligned with my values:

1. Decide to change.

How you've done things in the past does not have to dictate your future. Every day is an opportunity to make a different choice. But change requires courage—you may need to break old habits and step into discomfort.

💡 Truth: You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

2. Identify what you want to change.

What areas of your life feel unfulfilling? What do you wish were different?

For me, I realized I was spread too thin. I wanted to stop being a "Jack of all trades" and instead focus on one thing deeply enough to do it well.

3. Define your non-negotiables.

Someone once asked me, "What are the five things that must happen every day for you to feel good?" Answering this was hard at first, but it gave me clarity. Over time, my non-negotiables have evolved, but they remain a guiding force in my daily decisions.

4. Clarify your values.

What truly matters to you and your family? Your values shape how you live, work, and interact with others. While many values are worthwhile, yours should reflect what is most important to you.

5. Examine how you spend your time.

Do you have enough time for what truly matters? Take a realistic look at your schedule. Track your time in blocks and assign specific activities to those blocks.

You might realize:

✅ You've been expecting too much from yourself.

✅ You're wasting time on things that don't align with your values.

✅ You have more control over your schedule than you think.

This step takes refinement, but it's life-changing.

6. Connect with like-minded people.

One of the best things I did was surround myself with others who were also striving to live intentionally. Whether it was a friend, an online community, or a mentor, having support and encouragement made all the difference.

You don't have to do this alone. A life coach, accountability partner, or even just a trusted friend can help you stay focused and motivated.

The Results of Living Intentionally

My life is far from perfect. But today, I make more thoughtful decisions for my family and myself. I no longer feel like life is just happening to me—I have clarity and purpose in how I use my time. And the best part? I see the fruits of living with intention:

✅ A more peaceful, connected home environment

✅ Progress toward personal and professional goals

✅ A deep sense of fulfillment

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Are you ready to shift from surviving to thriving? 

Feeling overwhelmed by the chaos of family life? Take back control with our Frazzled to Focused mini-course! Learn how to simplify your schedule, prioritize what truly matters, and integrate self-care—all while building a life that reflects your deepest values. Say goodbye to stress and hello to clarity, balance, and intention. Enroll today and start living with purpose!

Build Your Best Family Podcast: Create a Thriving Family Culture

When my husband, Carl, and I first got married, we had so many ideas of what family life would be like. We envisioned a welcoming home with an open-door policy, a family that loves and serves God together, and a simple life that prioritized relationships.

However, after moving to the suburbs, having a few kids, and investing in our careers, we discovered that the values, beliefs, and expectations we had for our family had gotten lost in the shuffle of modern-day life.

We found ourselves stuck in survival mode, barely getting through the week. We packed our schedules with school activities, sports, church, and volunteer commitments. These were all good things, but we felt like we didn't have control over the direction our family was heading.

We realized it was time to change the trajectory of our family.

Carl and I set out to create a mission statement to bridge the gap between the life we were living and the life we had hoped for. It turned out to be harder than we thought. After a few failed attempts, I began researching how successful companies created theirs.

That's when I discovered the power of culture and the role it plays in a thriving organization.

Along the way, I realized that the same principles that cause an organization's culture to flourish and succeed can help a family thrive.

That's why we created Build Your Best Family, a weekly podcast that empowers you to create a thriving family culture. Since January 2018, we've been having real, honest conversations with experts, leaders, and everyday people who are intentionally building families that reflect their values and beliefs. Sometimes, I'm joined by my good friend for special episodes called "Friends Talking Family."

You don't have to feel hopeless about the path your family is on. You can create a home culture that reflects your family's core values with thought and deliberate steps.

As a result, you'll be able to lead with purpose and passion and foster unity within your family. When it's time for your children to leave home, they will have a foundation of confidence and purpose that equips them to follow their personal mission and embrace who God has created them to be.

We want to be upfront with you—we don't have all the answers. However, we've both experienced intentional culture and default culture in business, ministry, and family. We've studied what makes some organizations succeed while others fail. Since we're right in the middle of raising our own kids, we're learning alongside you as we explore what it takes to build a family that thrives.

We can't promise you'll make all the right parenting choices, or your kids will never make mistakes. But we can promise that if you do the work to establish your values and beliefs—and translate them into behaviors that can be repeated and measured—you will build a family culture that anchors your home in what matters most.

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