Breaking Free from Default Culture: How to Intentionally Shape Your Family’s Traditions
When I first got married, I navigated life—solving problems, handling conflict, and structuring my days—based on what I had experienced growing up. Just as my parents passed culture down to me, I unintentionally passed it down to my family.
I was operating in a default culture—doing things simply because “that’s how I’ve always done it.” There wasn’t necessarily an issue with what I was doing, but rather why I was doing it that way. Was I being intentional, or was I following a script from my past?
Reflecting on Your Own Upbringing
To design a meaningful culture for your family, reflect on your childhood. Ask yourself:
Where did you spend most of your time as a child? At home? With friends? Why?
What are some of your favorite childhood traditions?
What could you always count on growing up?
What were you missing as a child or young adult?
This process might bring up difficult emotions, but the goal isn’t to dwell on regret. Instead, use this reflection to determine what’s worth keeping and what needs to be left behind.
Why This Matters for Your Family
When you examine your past, you can:
✅ Recognize the default culture shaping your life – Celebrate the good, but also identify what no longer serves you.
✅ Avoid unmet expectations that lead to conflict – I assumed my husband would act like my dad—home for dinner every night, working in the yard on weekends, planning vacations. When he didn’t, frustration built. Recognizing these differences helped us align our expectations.
✅ Create a foundation for success – Once you decide what to keep and what to change, you can be intentional about building traditions that serve your family.
You have the power to design your family culture—don’t let it be determined by default!
Get started today! Set aside dedicated time to discuss your family culture. To help, I’ve created a Family Culture Discussion Sheet with powerful reflection questions. DOWNLOAD IT FOR FREE.
Do you prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project. (Now the Build Your Best Family podcast.)