Our Family Values: More than Words on a Piece of Paper

Our family’s mission statement is mounted in a beautiful frame in our foyer. It’s there to remind us of what we stand for and to tell others what they can expect from our family. My husband and I invested a good bit of time choosing our values and crafting them into a handful of sentences that represented us. But as I mentioned in last week’s post those words mean little if not translated into behaviors.

I am talking more about this over at Faith Gateway. I am sharing a resource that will help you introduce values to your little ones. Head over there to check out what it is.

How to Give Power to Your Values

My husband and I created a family mission statement, then wrote it out in beautiful fonts on a chalkboard and hung it in our foyer. It took quite a bit of soul-searching and discussion, but it was worth the effort. We felt empowered and excited about what the future held for us as a family. But then we got busy (again) and defaulted to behaviors that were easy and convenient and not necessarily ones that represented our values.

If your values and behaviors don’t align, family members and outsiders will notice. It will be clear to them you don’t practice what you preach. 

This is not surprising because everything I’ve learned about organizational culture says that just knowing your values is not enough. You can say you stand for something, but unless you translate those values into behaviors, you will go about your days continuing with habits that are familiar and comfortable.

Words like creativity, integrity, and efficiency are just nouns or abstractions. You may have a general understanding of what they mean, but what do they look like practically?

Once you have discovered your values, there are steps you can take to intentionally make them a part of your life.  

This matters to me most as a parent. When I tell my kids to do things in excellence (one of our family’s values), they may not know what it means. Even if they understand that word, they may think it means something entirely different than I do. If I've already decided what precisely what excellence means to me I can say, “I’d like you to clean your room with excellence. Please complete the task promptly and thoroughly.” They know what I expect.

When you create practices around your values they come to life.

They become:

1.     Actionable – It can be acted upon

2.     Repeatable  - It can be done over and over again.

3.     Observable – Others will notice.

4.     Measurable – You and others can gauge the success of it in your life. 

Here’s how to empower your values:

For each of your values, create 3-5 statements, with an emphasis on the verbs, on how you’d like to see that value show up in your life. It will look different for our family then it does for yours.

For example, let’s consider generosity, also one of our top 5 values. My husband and I decided what that word means to us. Notice the verbs highlighted.

“Our family lives within our means. We do not spend more than we earn.”

“Our family budgets money to give 15% of our income away. 10% to our church and 5% to other causes that are important to us, such as school and church food, clothing, or toy drives.”

“Cook or purchase a meal for people in our community that have a baby, lose a family member, or who are struggling.”

“Host meetings or gatherings in our home as needed.” 

These are behaviors we can teach, coach, measure, and celebrate.

 Other expressions include:

“Practice…”

“Be fanatical about…”

“Assume…”

As parents, you can build systems or develop incentives around these practices which is essential in training your children. As an individual or a couple, you can identify if you've intentionally incorporated your values into your life. 

Write these practices down where they can frequently be referenced. Creating culture is primarily a teaching function. That means that these methods should be taught, coached, and celebrated over and over again until they become habits.

Be flexible and revisit these practices often. It is unlikely that over time your values will change, however how you live them out will. In the early years of your career, success may look different when you have little ones. Or once when your kids have grown, and you downsize your home the ways you live out hospitality will probably look different.

Don't get discouraged if it takes time for your value practices to become habits. It may take time to work them into your life if you are busy and do things in a certain way. Also, give yourself grace when there are other people involved such as family members. Over time, as you take consistent steps that point to what is important to you and your family you will create a unique family culture ..

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Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.

Also,for more on the topic listen to:

Episode 048 Empowering Your Values

Join Elise Daly Parker, Noelle Rhodes, and me as we talk about how to turn our values into simple practices that are actionable, repeatable, observable, and measurable.

How to Get Rid of a Negative Self Image and Make Peace with our Bodies

Many of us struggle with body image issues. It doesn't help that our society puts a lot of emphasis on how we should look, how we should feel, and what we should eat. As a result, we concentrate more on what others think than on what really matters to us.  

In the post How to Crush Comparison in Your Life, I shared how I’ve struggled with body comparison. I think my thighs are a little too big and I wish my boobs were a bit bigger. I eventually realized no matter what I eat and how much I run I am never going to look like the women in magazines. Even at my lowest weight, I wish my body would look different.

My negative body image didn’t go away with diet, exercise, or obtaining the “right” number on the scale. Plus, what I thought about myself was inconsistent. When I regularly worked out and felt connected to my body through the things I love to do, I felt good. But when I missed a week, or two, or three, I’d feel bad and look at my body with disgust.

I discovered that…

Our belief about our bodies has so little to do with our actual bodies, and so much more to do with our perception of ourselves. << Click to Tweet

In order to change what we believe about ourselves, we have to rethink the way you think! The Bible says to ”take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) This simply means that when you have a negative thought you choose to stop it in its tracks and replace it with truth. In this case, the truth of what God says about your body. Not just once or twice but every time those thoughts try to creep into your mind.

God calls us to His truth and wants us to see ourselves as He sees us. Accepting a distorted body image is the same as believing a lie about ourselves. >> Click to Tweet

For example:

The lie:

If I only looked like ___________________, I would be _________________.

The truth:

I am fearfully and wonderfully made! 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:13-16

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This will help!

Download these Biblical affirmations about your body and who God created you to be.

Send me Biblical Body Affirmations!

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When we become free from a negative self-image we can:

• Pass this freedom along to our daughters. The things you say and do are seen by your children. Even when we think they aren’t paying attention they are. I can tell my daughters to embrace who God created them to be, body and all, but if I make a fuss every time I put a bathing suit on they’ll notice.

• Have confidence and enjoy ourselves more.

• Serve others. When you no longer focus on yourself and the way you look you can serve others well.

In addition to refusing the idea that you have to look a certain way to have worth or value, consider trying a few of these things as you make peace with your body:

Have grace for yourself and the season you are in. If you just had a baby, are recovering from an injury, or are working extra hours in a new job give yourself grace. Seasons may change but what God thinks about you and His love for you will not.

Find a workout that makes you feel good — not one that promises “results.” Find an exercise that gets you moving. Hiking, dance, yoga, running, swimming? Choose physical activities that feed your soul rather than ones that drain your joy.

Stop comparing. Only a tiny, tiny percent of the population looks the models we see in movies, TVs, and magazine ads. So why compare? Most of the images you’ve seen have been Photoshopped anyway.

Don’t go on a diet, but rather make changes to your diet. Examine how and why you eat. Is it out or boredom, to procrastinate, or relax? Also look for an imbalance in your diet such as meat, cheese, and bread as a go-to meal. I’ve discovered I feel healthier, stronger, and have more energy when my diet has an emphasis on plant-based food.   

Take inventory of who you spend time with and what is coming out of your mouth. When you spend time with people who complain about their bodies you’ll find yourself doing the same. In Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” The words you hear and speak matter. To successfully reject the lies you’ve believed about your body, you’ll need to change the conversations you are having.

Clean out your closet and buy only things that already fit. Clothing can make you feel good but not if it’s too big or too small. Don’t keep clothing that you hope will you’ll eventually fit you. In rare occasions, it may motivate you to get healthy but mostly it just serves as an ideal that you to strive for rather than resting in your true value and worth in Christ.  

Give your body the rest it needs. When your body gets the rest it needs it will thrive at the capacity it was created for. Get between 7-9 hours of sleep and regularly observe the Sabbath.

Much like crushing comparison, we can make peace with our bodies when we refuse the lies that culture feeds us. The steps above will help you with that. As you do them over and over again they will become habits that will add joy to your life and give you the energy you need to live the live God created you to live.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 47 Making Peace with Our Bodies

Join Elise Daly Parker, Kimberly Coyle and me as we talk about the things that bring us to life and connect us with our bodies. We’re also sharing some things that we do to promote make peace with our bodies.

Surprised by God

I love surprises, do you?

I have no idea what God has in store for my life or my family and I can’t possibly know everything that I need to ask of Him. I have wasted plenty of time trying to figure it out, to control it, and plan for it. But as I get to know the heart of God, I’ve learned that He might have something in mind, that in my limited thinking, I would never dream of.

Join me over at Faith Gateway as I share some of the ways God has surprised me over the past few years. 

How to Make the Most of Summer

I love the summer. And as the days get warmer, I start to build lists and create expectations for the months ahead will bring. In my mind, I have endless time and resources to do what I want to do. However, my reality is slightly different than what I have conjured up in my head. September 1st rolls around and home projects are left undone, bucket lists incomplete, and I have a list of friends I never connected with.

I hope to change that this year. I am going to:

• Be intentional with my time. Work hard and play hard.

• Learn from past mistakes and make a plan.

• Lower my expectations of what is possible.

I want to look back on my summer with pleasant memories that are not tainted by disappointment.

Here are some suggestions for how to make the most of the summer:

DON’T

Volunteer for everything.

INSTEAD

Consider your values before taking on anything new this summer. During the school year, I chair a committee that lines up with my family's values. As a result, I can confidently surrender the need to say ‘yes’ to everything else throughout the school year. The summer is no different.

DON”T

Create the perfect summer bucket list and schedule every activity on it.

INSTEAD

Consider an alternative to the Summer Bucket list. Choose a few activities or maybe even just one to focus on each month. Ideas include:

• Buy a snow cone machine and syrup have friends over on Frozen Fridays.

• Host a Summer Movie Series in your backyard. Choose four movies and four dates. Let friends know the details, tell them to bring a blanket or lawn chair. Set up a video projector and screen. Provide popcorn, drinks, and glow sticks.

• Investigate the best ice cream shops in your area and once a week try a new one. Rate each one and share your reviews with friends.

• Set up a backyard game that's available to play when the mood strikes.

DON’T

Reorganize your basement...and your attic...and your garage.

INSTEAD

Pick one job and tackle it with excellence. If you have projects that must get done:

• Save smaller jobs for rainy days

• Break up the larger ones into multiple days using small pockets of time consistently.

• Enlist the help of all family members so the jobs get done faster.

DON”T

Demand your kids do tons of school work and track their time with charts and graphs.

INSTEAD

Find fun ways to learn. Summer slide is a real thing, but I’ve failed numerous times at having my kids complete the grade-specific workbooks. What’s worked for us:

• Read, read, read. By the pool, at the beach, or snuggling on a rainy day.

• Listen to audiobooks on the go.

• Attend free programs at the library such as author visits, scavenger hunts, and game days.

• Participate in an online program such as Brain Chase. It combines school work with a real live treasure hunt. (This one saved me big time by keeping track of what my kids were doing so I didn’t have to.)

DON”T

Feel guilty about not giving your kids the time of their life.

INSTEAD

Appreciate the simple joys of summer.

• Be a tourist in your area, plan a few day trips.

• Take regular walks together.

• Eat your meals outside.

DON’T

Throw all your routines out the door.

INSTEAD

Make appointments for the things that matter to you but leave margin in your day for impromptu gatherings or outings.

DON’T

Be so focused on the WHAT of summer that you forget the WHO.

INSTEAD

Focus on connecting with others. You will experience a more fulfilling summer when you make the people in your life a priority.

• Put down your smartphone and have a conversation with your neighbor or the person sitting next to you at the pool.

• Invite your child’s friend’s parents over so you can finally get to know them.

• Call a friend to see how they are doing. Summer can be a lonely time for some as school volunteering, sports, and the other commitments that allowed you to see them comes to a halt.

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My friend and life coach Elise Daly Parker offers a challenge for us:

Using a timer, take 10 minutes and dump your summer to-do list on a piece of paper. Then choose your top 3 priorities and make those your goals in the area of home, entertainment, and family for this upcoming summer.

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Looking for more on Summer? Here are some other posts on this topic:

• 5 Feelings Every Mom Goes Through During The Summer And How To Cope by Carey Bailey

• 6 Ways to Survive the Summer Juggle by Diana Jones for Circles of Faith

• You Lied, Summer. You Lied! By Noelle Rhodes for Circles of Faith

Episode 46 Summer Dos and Don'ts

Building on the conversation we have last June on the podcast, Elise, Noelle, and I have gathered to talk about what we have learned in summers past and how to make the most of the summer this year.

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 {This post contains links and references to products and services that may have affiliates, sponsorships, or other business relationships. Living in the Sweet Spot may receive compensation from referrals or sales actions. Thank you for your support! }

A Letter to My Summer Self on How to Get it Right This Year

This time last year on the podcast we talked about having realistic summer expectations. While the sound quality wasn’t great (it was one of our first shows) the content was. I managed to get a thing or two right last summer but failed in many other ways too.

If I were to write a letter to my summer self, based on my experience last year, it would go something like this.

Listen to your own advice! Lower your expectations of how much work, writing, and home organization you can get done. The summer will not be a total waste! But be realistic about what you are capable. Most things you want to do, you don’t do well in the cracks. Plan to do work when your kids are in camp or out with friends. Be intentional about how you use those morning hours before the kids get up too. You might have another hour or so once they’re awake to finish something but for the most part, they want your attention. Maximize your time together. Later in the early evening, when they head outside and connect with friends you’ll have some extra time.

Oh, and that first week the kids are off of school, you can not continue to do business as usual. If you try to do things as if nothing’s changed, you will be frustrated. Trust God with your time and effort and ask Him to multiply it.  

Maintain your non-negotiables; they’ll anchor your days and weeks. And be careful to make choices that are rooted in your values. The decisions you make do not need to be the same as other moms. Fight comparison and do YOU well.

Raise your expectations of connecting with your kids. They still want to do things with you. Schedule your day trips ahead of time. Don’t be afraid to ask friends to join you. Yes, people are busy during the summer, but I bet there’s another mom who’d love to tag along with her kids.

Don’t be afraid to get your hair wet. Go in the pool, have a water balloon fight, or run through the sprinkler with thyour kids. Those are the times they will remember, not how beautifully straight your hair looked as you sat in the shade and watched them play.

Don’t spend so much time focusing on the WHAT of summer that miss out on the WHO of summer. Visit the grandparents. They will love it, and you won’t have to cook! They live close, so you don’t have an excuse.

School and sports make it easy to connect with others. That all goes away for two months, so you’ll need to be intentional if you want to see people. As an extrovert, this will be essential to your well being.

Sabbaths are still a gift in July and August. Even if you’re having fun with your kids at the beach or at the pool, you are still mothering. And mothering takes work and patience and unconditional love. You’re keeping them safe, meeting their needs, and shaping their character. Create a rhythm of rest that allows you to take a break from this and connect with God but also pursue the things that feed your soul. Don’t feel guilty. You are a better woman, wife, and mother when you do.

You will not have the perfect summer, and that is okay. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, but there will also be ones that exceed your expectation. You can’t control your children’s behavior when they tired, hot, and hungry but with God’s grace, you can control yours.

The only thing you can count on over the next couple of months is that God cares about that little girl inside you that can’t wait for summer and hopes that it will be the “best ever.” He cares about your days and will watch over them and guide you if you let Him.  

This letter will come in handy over the next few months as I make choices that shape our summer.

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Try this!

Write a letter to your summer self with some advice on how to navigate the upcoming months well.  
Think back to last summer. What were some of the highs and lows?  Are there things you loved? Remind yourself what they were, so you can do them again. Are there some days that disappointed you? Think of ways to do them differently this year.

Why Boundaries on Social Media Matters

Ever walk into your living room and notice that everyone is on their cell phones or iPad? They’re either texting a friend, checking email, or scrolling through social media. If they aren’t on their device, it's within arm’s reach so that when it vibrates, chimes, or rings they can immediately grab it. It can be so frustrating!

I love my smartphone and the access to information that it gives me. There are so many good things about them and social media, but there’s also a downside.

As parents, it is important for us to understand the impact of technology on our children because they are the first generation to not know a life without it. Besides not being present, constant interaction with our devices prevents us from developing necessary life skills.

I want my children to:

Form deep meaningful relationships. Texts and emails have made it easy to maintain superficial relationships. My kids need to practice the skills necessary for real friendship such as making eye contact while listening and confronting others when their feelings are hurt. Communicating through a direct message on Instagram doesn’t provide this.

Cope with stress in a healthy way. Using a device to deal with stress only offers temporary relief. Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) When kids keep busy to numb grief, sadness, and pain, they miss out on real comfort and rest available through Christ. Plus, they won’t experience the range of emotions necessary to develop empathy and compassion.

Experience the reward that comes from working long, hard, and consistently on something. If children become conditioned to expect immediate results, they will not develop the drive to persevere in a relationship, project, or new business. Entitlement will creep in and eventually they may only do what comes easily to them.

Engage fully in life rather than be a spectator. If every time my teens get together with friends or go out to eat they are focused on capturing every picture perfect moment they will miss out on the experience itself.

My kids aren’t the only ones vulnerable to smartphone and social media misuse. I am just as susceptible as they are. That’s because the internet, social media, and texting provide instant gratification. When we receive the thing we desire our body releases dopamine, a chemical in our brain that causes us to seek more and more pleasure, which throws us into a looping in a cycle of behavior.

If you think it’s time to put boundaries on social media and technology in your home here are some suggestions:

Pray. This is the best place to start. One you have recognized unhealthy patterns, ask God for wisdom on how to proceed.

Identify how you use technology. Is your phone the first thing you grab in the morning and the last thing you put down at night? Are you using it to cope with stress or keep busy? Is it replacing face to face relationships?  Do you panic when you forget your phone at home?

Get real-time data on how you are using it. It’s safe to say that many of us don’t realize how much time we actually use our devices. Flurry and eMarketer’s reports that adults (18+) spend about 4 hours, 40 minutes on our mobile phones every day. Some reports say teens spend a 'mind-boggling' 9 hours a day using media. Having real data, specific to you and your family will shed light on this. Our family uses Circle from Disney which not only allows us to put filters on our wifi, create time limits, but tracks time spent online and on specific apps and sites.

Discuss the impacts of technology on your family. Start off the conversation with your children by empowering them. Ask they what they think about your cell phone usage. How does it make them feel when their friends are on their phones during playdates? We will be asking those types of questions at our next family retreat.

Set boundaries. The guidelines you put in place should be based on your family's unique culture and values. If your children are old enough, ask them for suggestions. When family members are involved in making decisions they are more likely to abide by the rules and take ownership of their behavior.

As you begin to shift your focus off technology and onto relationships, you will see positive changes in our home. Less technology will allow for margin on our day. That extra time will not only enable us to connect with one another, but it will foster creativity and innovation.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 45 Elisa Pulliam on Breaking Social Media and Screen Addiction

Join us and special guest, Elisa Pulliam, as we talk about social media, why it’s contributing to miscommunication and misunderstanding among generations. and how we can overcome it.

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Additional resources:

• Seven Strategies for Navigating Screens and Social Media with Tweens and Teens by Elisa Pulliam at More to Be

Interview:

• Simon Sinek on Millennials in the Workplace - YouTube

Posts:

• Social and Screens: Are we really addicted? by Elisa Pulliam at More to Be
• Breaking Our Social Media and Screen Addiction by Elisa Pulliam for The Better Mom
• Five Tips for Helping Teens Manage Technology from The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley

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 {This post contains links and references to products and services that may have affiliates, sponsorships, or other business relationships. Living in the Sweet Spot may receive compensation from referrals or sales actions. Thank you for your support! }

This Month: Learning What the Bible Says about Praise

This month I am focusing on the topic of PRAISE with my children.

Praise and worship take the focus off ourselves and puts it on God. It eliminates the complaining and negativity. It’s also an essential part of prayer as demonstrated in the Lord’s prayer.  
God is a good God who deserves our praise because His steadfast love endures forever (Psalm 106:1). Because of His mercy, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, we have an inheritance that can’t be stolen or lost (1 Peter 1:3-4a). As we sing to God, it glorifies Him and shows our appreciation for all He has done and is yet to do (Psalm 69:30). I am especially thankful that we no longer have to bring a physical sacrifice to the temple to enter into God’s presence. Instead, we can offer up a sacrifice of praise and use our words to continually acknowledge His name (Hebrews 13:15).

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The digital download of these cards is available in my Etsy Shop for only $0.99.  If you prefer the convenience of receiving these cards professionally printed, trimmed, and delivered to your mailbox, you can purchase card sets HERE.

Teaching Our Children to Pray Continually

Paul’s letter to the Thessalonians says that joy, prayer, and thanksgiving should mark the life of a Christian. And not just any kind of prayer, continual prayer or as the King James Bible states prayer “without ceasing”.

Thankfully this scripture does not suggest that we are to pray without stopping, which would be impossible. But rather that we should establish a rhythm of prayer, one that includes praying on all occasions.

Join me over at Faith Gateway as I share how simple it is for us to teach our kids to create a rhythm of prayer that will serve them well throughout their lives.

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The digital download of these cards is available in my Etsy Shop for only $0.99. If you prefer the convenience of receiving these cards professionally printed, trimmed, and delivered to your mailbox, you can purchase card sets HERE.

How to Start Something Well

Have you ever wanted to start something new but felt overwhelmed? Wondered if you have the time or the ability to see your ideas come to life? I know I have, and in the past, I’ve let it discourage me.

I had a growing list of ideas. And when I would see a friend or colleague accomplish something, and I’d think, “I wish that could be me.” I desperately wanted to do something well.

My dear friend and fellow writer Kimberly Coyle wrote a post called One Small Way to Steward Your Life Well. In it, she talks about how easy it is to fall into the trap of now and encourages her readers to dream, plan, and read their ideas into being. She reminds us to live in the present but also to plan well for the future. Her post challenged me to consider what it actually means to steward my ideas, desires, and talents and consider what it takes to start something well.

Instead of comparing myself to others, I began to value my ideas and the small steps I was taking towards the desires of my heart.

When I first decided I want to start a podcast, I was managing the editorial calendar for Circles of Faith, while saying yes to too many things in my community. My schedule was a mess, and as a result, I neglected the creative work I wanted to do, including writing.

I tried to shake the idea of podcasting but I couldn’t. Instead, I started listening to a ton of other podcasts. I tried to figure out which ones I liked best and why I liked them. I took note of format and frequency. I even listened to podcasts on how to podcast. All the while fighting the urge that I was wasting my time because I had no room in my life to start something new.

This went on for a full year. Thinking about the possibilities led to a plan and eventually small steps that allowed my co-hosts and me to launch our show.

As I look back now, I can see that when the idea first came to me, I wasn’t ready. I had yet to determine my non-negotiables and discover my values. Not only that, saying yes to the podcast meant saying no to other things which I hadn’t anticipated. When I finally had the time and the team to take Circles of Faith in a new direction, I was prepared! The small steps I took over the previous year were not wasted.

If you have a dream, interest, or an idea you can start pursuing it right now!

Here are six steps you can take to start something well:

1. Meet with smart people. Find someone that has knowledge in your area of interest. Ask questions. Listen. Thanks to technology this can be done in person and online. Facebook groups are one of the best places to exchange ideas and learn from those who have gone before you know. For writers, my favorite is Hope*Writers. 
2. Read books that push your thinking. I love motivational books that encourage me but also challenge me to think differently. They’re what got me started on the journey of intentional living many years ago. With audio books, I can “read” twice as much. They are available through Audible or on Overdrive, which can be accessed through your local library.
3. Learn about your niche. There is no shortage of information online. TED Talks, Q ideas, podcasts, and e-courses will help you learn about anything. Take notes to write down important points, then when the time is right, translate your key points into action.
4. Gather ideas. You can research and collect ideas long before you are ready to implement your ideas or start your hobby. Brainstorm your thoughts in a Bullet Journal, accumulate magazine clippings in a file folder, or pin blog posts in Pinterest.
5. Share what you have learned with someone you trust. The community is invaluable with it comes to encouragement and support. Tell a friend who will help you in your ideas. They don’t need to necessarily have the same interests as you, just be willing to cheer you on.
6. Make Time Make appointments with yourself to do the steps I mentioned above.Get up early, stay up late, or take a break in the middle of the day to pursue your interests. Small consistent effort over time will yield greater and more satisfying results than occasional grand efforts.

Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle or end. It’s the quickest way to get discouraged. Take the time you need to lean into your interests and ideas and allow them to take root in you so that they can grow over time.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Slices of Life Episode 044 How to Start Something Well

Elise, Kimberly, and I share the things we are doing now that started off as a tiny idea. We also go in depth about the small steps we took that yielded big results.  

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Additional Resources

• The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz
• Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
• #GirlBoss by Sophia Amoruso
• I Know How She Does it: How Successful Women Make the Most of Their Time It by Laura Vanderkam
• You're Made for a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has for You by  Holley Gerth

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 {This post contains links and references to products and services that may have affiliates, sponsorships, or other business relationships. Living in the Sweet Spot may receive compensation from referrals or sales actions. Thank you for your support! }

How to Crush Comparison in Your Life

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick

I hate the ugly game of comparison, yet more often than I would like to admit I find myself playing it.

As women, we have a tendency to size ourselves up, measure someone else by your own standards only to conclude after observation and the collection of a few facts that we’re inferior or superior to them. It’s awful. It keeps us from being our best selves and enjoying the life we’ve been given.

Whether we feel better or worse about ourselves after the comparison, it rarely leads to humility, which pleases God. Not only that, comparison robs us of joy and wastes precious energy that could otherwise be used to serve the people that in our life.

I have struggled most with body comparison. No matter what I eat and how much I run I am never going to look like the women in magazines. At my lowest weight, I still think my thighs are a little too big. Plus, I wouldn’t mind my boobs to be a little bit bigger.

I also have compared my social status with others. When I see friends on social media having “the time of their lives” vacationing or dining out together, I wonder if I’ll ever have relationships like they do.

Some of the other ways we compare ourselves includes:

• How “put-together” you are - our home, meals, kids

• Marriage – “I wish my husband sent me flowers for no reason.”

• Stage of life - “If only my kids were bigger and out of diapers I could ______________.”

• Money – “Must be nice.”

There are many benefits of not comparing ourselves with others. They include:

Excellence – You no longer waste your time thinking about someone else, which allows you to do YOU well. You spend your time and energy living out your values, following your dreams, and being who God created you to be.

Contentment  - You can enjoy the life and the people you have been given. There is peace that accompanies all you do because you are satisfied.  That’s doesn’t mean that your life is perfect; it just means that it is yours and you own it.

Humility – God can work with a humble heart. He can teach you, shape your character, and lead you in life.

Stability – Applying the truth of God’s Word to the measuring stick of comparison frees you of the whims of your emotions and insecurities.

For a while, I gave up going on social media assuming that was the problem. I stopped looking at fashion magazines and spent less time at the pool. I thought if only I weren't exposed to the ________________, I wanted to have, I wouldn’t feel so crumby. But that only worked for a little while.

Eliminating the trigger will not solve the problem, a heart change will. The key is to allow God’s truth, about who you are in Him, to sink deep down into our heart. Also, there are some bad habits we can break and as well new ones we can create. Both the spiritual and practical go hand in hand in eliminating the tendency to compare.

Here are some of the way we can crush comparison in our lives:

Speak to yourself. The Bible says to ”take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5) This simply means that when you have a negative thought, you have a choice to entertain that thought or stop it in its tracks and replace it with truth.  Not just once or twice but every time those thoughts try to creep into your mind.

Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) You are a child of God and you are loved. It has nothing to do with what you accomplish, what you look like, who you know, or how much money you make.

Realize we all have different strengths and weaknesses. A personality test like Myers-Briggs or the Enneagram confirms that not everybody is the same. We are wired differently and have different strengths. Therefore we have different reciprocal weaknesses. Yes, you can work on your weakness, but it’s more important to lean into and steward your strengths.    

Seek out objective criteria that personally define success for you.  When you compare yourself to others, who are living out of their values, especially when they are different than yours, you are literally using different units of measure. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. What do success, community, and generosity look like for you? Does your life reflect your values?

Appreciate more. Express gratitude. Intentionally appreciate what you have and who you are. An excellent practice is to read scriptures on thanksgiving and write down 2-3 things that you are grateful for in a journal. Also, make a point to appreciate and cheer on the person you are tempted to compare yourself. I bet you they could use the encouragement.

Own Your Story (Romans 12:5-8 ) Don’t underestimate the value of the plot line God has given you and look for Him it.  Where has God stepped in to rescue and redeem you? Where has He been faithful? What have you learned from your ups and downs?

The steps above will help you fight comparison. As you do them over and over again, they will become habits that will add joy to your life and give you the energy you need to serve and encourage others in their journey.  

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For more on the topic listen to:

Slices of Life Podcast, Episode 43 How to Crush Comparison in Your Life

Elise Daly Parker, Noelle Rhodes, and I recently had a great conversation on the topic. We talked about the areas we get stuck and our experience in overcoming comparison. 

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Looking for more on comparison? Here are some other great resources on this topic:

• Without Rival: Embrace Your Identity and Purpose in an Age of Confusion and Comparison by Lisa Bevere

• Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval and Seeing Yourself through God's Eyes by Jennifer Dukes Lee

• Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst

• You Are Free: Be Who You Already Are by Rebekah Lyons

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Exploring the World – and the Bible – with Your Kids

We finally did it! After months of wishing, hoping, talking, and saving, we booked our family’s first trip abroad. As soon as we did I headed to our local library to get a few guidebooks, travel videos, and storybooks set in those locations. Since it was my kids first time traveling overseas I knew it would be important for them to understand our destinations’ history, culture, and cuisine so that they could get the most out it. 

Sometimes when we read the Bible with our kids, it is like going to a foreign land. Just like on our vacation, understanding the context — the history, culture, and even cuisine, of the Bible —  gives us a better understanding of God’s Word and just how revolutionary it is.

Join me over at Faith Gateway to read more...

Living Out Our Identity in Christ

Back in December I taught my kids about their identity in Christ. It was shortly after that that my son and I happen to watch the Netflix series The Crown together. It's a show, set in England in the mid-1900s, that focuses on Queen Elizabeth II, England’s current monarch, in her early reign. We were immediately hooked and binged the whole first season. 

What struck me most about her story was that the choices she had to make from her position as the queen varied greatly from the choices she would have made simply as a women, wife, or sister. As I thought about this, it occurred to me that there are many times we'll have to make decisions from our position as a child of the King and ambassadors to our culture as well.

I am talking about it more over at More to Be. Join me there... 

Simple Ways To Spend Time with Your Kids

When my kids were little I spent a lot of time with them. I fed them, clothed them, bathed them, put them to bed, and before I knew it, it was time to do it all over again. Besides just taking care of their basic needs I went on play dates with them and took them to the park. Then on the weekends, when my husband wasn’t working, we did things together as a family.

As the kids got older, they became busy with school, sports, and activities. What we did together looked like getting everyone where they needed to be. It was all a very normal and healthy transition, but I quickly realized I needed to find ways more meaningful ways to spend time with my children. Plus, as their interests diverged, I saw the need to connect with them one on one.

Just like any relationship, the one with your child will benefit greatly from intention and consistency. << Tweet This

With just a bit of planning, the way we spent time together has changed. Instead of relying on connection here and there I schedule regular dates with my kids, just like I would with my husband or a friend. I decided spending time together was important to me so I made appointments on my calendar to do it. This allowed to me make sure each child gets the time and attention they need plus I could be sure there are no favorites played or the misconception of it.

Here are some simple ways I spend time with my kids:

Have a meal together. Everyone needs to eat, right? Each month, I pick up each of my kids up from school and take them to lunch. Their lunch and recess are back to back which gives us enough time to eat a packed lunch at a local park, or grab a piece of pizza, or a soup and sandwich at a local restaurant. Sometimes we’ll even do breakfast or lunch on a weekend to change it up.

Run errands together. Think dry cleaning, bank deposits, or car wash. My daughter comes with me each week to pick up the groceries. The ride there and back provides a great opportunity to talk, plus I appreciate her help.

Start a club together. Options include, books, crafts, and games. My oldest daughter loves to cook; so few years back we started a cooking club. We spend time picking out recipes and setting up together. The bonus is I get to hang out will her friends and get to know them better too. This has provided an amazing opportunity to mentor the girls as they head into their teen years.

Read a book together. As my kids became independent readers I was tempted to give this one up but I’m glad I didn’t. Reading with each of them looks different. Right now, my son and I snuggle before bed and take turns reading chapters from the mystery Lock and Key. I just finished the “big kid” picture book Bard of Avon with my youngest daughter and son. Once a week, my two girls and I are read Graceful together and discuss each chapter as we go along. My oldest daughter and I listen to YA audiobooks independently and then talk about it when I tuck her in at night.

Go for a run or walk together. Once the weather gets warmer and the days get longer we tend to be outside more. A morning run or a quick walk around the block after dinner combines a bit of exercise with time to connect.

There is nothing extraordinary about any of the things on my list, they’re all pretty basic. The most important thing is the planning and consistency. My kids were able to count on me to spend time with them because I put it in my planner and do my best to stick to, I don’t leave it up to chance.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 39 Making Time for Your Kids

Relationships thrive with intentionality! In previous episodes we’ve talked about making time for our friends, our spouse, now we're talking about how to make time for our kids. We're not talking about the kind of time where you drive your kids where have to be, or time spent watch their sporting events, or band concerts, or even volunteering at their school. We're talking about real relationship and connection.

This Month: Learning What the Bible Says About Wisdom

This month I am focusing on the topic of WISDOM with my children.

As a mom of tweens, I am quickly realizing how much I need the wisdom of God to navigate the everyday. And I’m not the only one, my kids need it too! They’re learning how to manage the ups and downs of relationships, balance academics, and sports, and make choices that will affect their future.

If my kids lack wisdom they can ask God and He will give it to them. It’s that simple. (James 1:5) They will be blessed if they find wisdom and gain understanding (Proverbs 3:13-14), because it’s far more valuable than material possession they could possibly own. They may be tempted to do things their way but they would be a fool if they did (Proverbs 12:15). Wisdom comes from listening to others and reading God’s Word. They can have confidence in knowing that if they trust in the Lord with all your heart instead of their own understanding and acknowledge Him, He will make their paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

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The digital download of these cards is available in my Etsy Shop for only $0.99. If you prefer the convenience of receiving these cards professionally printed, trimmed, and delivered to your mailbox, you can purchase card sets HERE. 

The One Thing Technology Won't Do for You

I love technology and all of the benefits that come along with it. Unfortunately, there are a few drawbacks to this. With the ability to access information so easily, I have committed less to memory.

If I am not careful, the same thing can happen to me when it comes to the Word of God. There are so many wonderful Bible apps and devotionals available online that sometimes I forget to keep it in the one place it’s meant to be: my heart.

You'll find the solution to that and a great resource for kids over at Faith Gateway. Join me there?

Living Life to the Fullest

Right now in the Northeast, the weather is cold. My little ones and I bundle up in puffy coats, hats, scarves, and gloves to go outside. All this clothing keeps us warm in the frosty air however it becomes a burden when we’re at the mall.

Shopping can quickly become nearly unbearable when my little ones whine, “Mommy, carry my coat PLEASE.” I usually say “No, sweetie, carry your own coat. We won’t be here long.”

My husband is much more gracious than I am. He is more than happy to mind our belongings. When he does I feel light and unencumbered. I am in a better mood, I can think clearly, and I get things done faster. If only for a little while, I am not weighed down with all that stuff.

The freedom I experienced walking around while shopping with my husband pales in comparison to the freedom God wants us to walk around with in this life. Jesus came to bring us life and life to the fullest!

MORE ON THIS at Faith Gateway. Join me there?

This Month: Learning What the Bible Says About Selflessness

This month I am focusing on the topic of SELFLESSNESS with my children.

Spring is right around the corner and I am so looking forward to it. After being indoors for the last 5 months my kids are starting to get impatient and short with one another. Their focus is on themselves and it’s time to shift it back to serving one another.

So I am reminding them that no one should seek their own good but the good of others (1 Corinthians 10:24). They are strong and capable and have been blessed with gifts and talents that are for building up and encouraging others (Romans 15:1-2). And yes, that includes their siblings. It’s easy to love and serve someone when they are nice to us but let’s go a step further and do it even when it’s hard (Luke 6:32-34)! When we are only out to get our own way, strife and stress enter the picture and that’s good for no one (James 3:16).

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The digital download of these cards is available in my Etsy Shop for only $0.99. If you prefer the convenience of receiving these cards professionally printed, trimmed, and delivered to your mailbox, you can purchase card sets HERE.

A Simple Example of Values Based Living

A few weeks ago on the blog I wrote about how to identify your values and improve your life.

Your values are the why of how you live and what you do. Many of the decisions I make, and we make as a family are determined by what we value most.

Being a mom of young kids, there are a plenty of opportunities to volunteer at school. In the beginning, I volunteered for everything I could. My kids loved having me around and it was a great way for me to get out of the house and meet people in our community. But as time went by, I found that I wasn’t pursuing the things I loved. My excuse was, of course, time. The real problem was everything I did was negotiable, I lacked focus, and I was doing too many things half way. Of course, the volunteering was good but without me even realizing it, it had become a distraction.

The choices I made were not driven by my values but keeping busy and pleasing other people.

Over time, that has changed I as have pursued intentional living. I don’t get it right all the time, but I can confidently say that the way my family and I use our time, including how and when we volunteer, reflects our values. I stopped signing up for just any old volunteer spot just for the sake of it.

Then an opportunity came up that I couldn’t resist. A friend of mine asked if I was interested in being the committee chair for the TREP$ Entrepreneurship Education Program at my children’s school. My daughter had already participated in the program the year before and loved it. I immediately said, “YES!”

As a couple, my husband and I value Biblical financial principles. We believe we have a responsibility to steward what we have been given well. That includes spending wisely, increasing our income, resources, and wealth so that we can be generous, and then pass that legacy on by teaching our kids how to handle money.

I knew this was a values fit for me but had no idea just how amazing this experience would be for my family.

As the chairperson for the committee, I register students, support the workshop facilitators, and promote the Marketplace where the students sell their products and services. My husband is the Marketplace Coordinator and handles all the details of the program’s main event.  Over the years, not only have each of my kids participated as student entrepreneurs but they have also been on hand with set up and clean up too. Most recently my oldest daughter, who has aged out of the program, has become an assistant to the class facilitator.

My husband and I consider our children a part of what we are doing and it is reflected in our language throughout the program and the event. For example, many of our conversations start with “We “ instead of “I”. Our kids get it; it’s our family’s thing.

When it comes time to make the opening remarks at the Marketplace, the principal thanks each person by name that has made the event possible. Instead of mentioning my name he mentions “the Amici family”. My children’s enthusiasm to be a part of this experience grows each year because they know they are apart of something that matters to us as a family and the community.

When I said yes to this opportunity I didn’t have to belabor the decision because I had already done the work to determine what my core values were. I didn’t have to wonder if I would enjoy it or if it was worth spending time away from other things to do.

You can have the same confidence making decisions when you are aware of your core values!

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Not sure of what your 5 top core values are? It’s time to find out what they are!

It’s easier than you think. Check out my blog post on How to Identify Your Values and Improve Your Life and download this FREE worksheet that will help you.

How to Identify Your Values and Improve Your Life

Naming your non-negotiables is a great start to living an intentional life.

I mentioned in a previous post that, “It takes practice to make your non-negotiables a part of your every day but it is worth the effort, especially when they are rooted in your values”.

At first, you might think you need to identify your core values before you determine your non-negotiables, but I don’t think that is true. Your non-negotiables are absolutely an expression of your values. However, it’s easy to figure out what makes you happy at the end of the day when accomplished or what bums you out when not.

Values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. Your values are the why of how you live and what you do.  

Your personal values are a central part of who you are and even who you want to be.

Even if you have not taken the time to identify those values, I guarantee that are at work in your life, you just may not have noticed. When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life will be good. That doesn’t mean that your circumstances are perfect, however, there will be an undercurrent of satisfaction and contentment.

You may be asking, “If my values already show up in the way I live my life, why should I bother identifying them?” Knowing your values and intentionally honoring them in your life will give you a sense of purpose. Also, the better you know yourself and what you believe the more you will be able to espouse that value. When a situation arises, you will already know how you are going to respond, you won’t have to think. You can immediately go to your core value system. You’re prepared.

I was a bit overwhelmed when first asked to list my core values. In fact, I put off doing the “homework” my life coach sent me on the topic. I was over thinking it and was afraid I would get it wrong. But I pushed through, got the input of people close to me, and believe it or not, I wasn’t surprised with what I came up with. My values related to the things I was known for and talked about most often.

Here are some simple steps you can take to identify your core values:

1. Answer the following questions:

• When are you most fulfilled and satisfied? Find examples from both your career and personal life.

• When you're having your best day what characteristics are present in you?

2. Identify the values that are the most important to you.

A quick search on Google can help you find a list similar to the one I used.  Select as many as you’d like. Remember, all of the values listed are great, however, it’s important to identify the ones that are most important to you.

3. For greater perspective, ask your spouse or a close friend what they would list as your core values.

Often I can’t see the obvious or I second-guess myself based on insecurities. Many times friends and family can see patterns in our life we haven’t noticed. Be open to what they share. The responses you receive can be both affirming and challenging.

4. Now go back through your list and select your top five to seven.

If you are having trouble, rate each value on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest. If you have two values that have the same rank, ask yourself, "If I could satisfy only one of these, which would I choose?"

The list you end up with is your Core Values.

Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to listen to this episode of The Family Culture Project.

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Feeling Overwhelmed? Don't worry! 

I have created a Core Values Kit that will walk you through the process. You can download it for FREE. 

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Many of life's decisions are really determined by what you value most. For example, how you use your time, the job you take, and how you raise your family are based on it. When you identify your values are and intentionally make them a part of your life you will feel confident that your life is not a result of “going with the flow”. It's both essential and comforting to rely on your values and use them as a guiding force to point you in the right direction.