How a Family Retreat will Benefit Your Family
Many organizations hold yearly employee performance reviews. These evaluations reinforce what their managers expect in the workplace but also provide employers with information to use when making decisions about promotions, pay raises, and layoffs.
This same type of review can be used in families to connect with one another and assess where you are individually and as a family.
Do you know how your family is really doing?
Many organizations hold yearly employee performance reviews. These evaluations reinforce what their managers expect in the workplace but also provide employers with information to use when making decisions about promotions, pay raises, and layoffs. Also, many organizations utilize the 360 peer review which is an assessment of interpersonal skills from an employee’s peers.
A few years back we decided to harness the power of these types of reviews in the workplace and see what they could do for our family. Since starting it three years ago, we have seen a tremendous amount of growth. We hold these “annual reviews” each year during our family retreat.
It’s a great way to get feedback that helps us grow as a family.
We asked our questions like:
What’s the one thing you like most about being apart of our family?
What’s the one thing you like least?
When do you feel the most loved?
What’s one thing Mom and Dad can do better?
The answers we received equipped us to parent with purpose.
Our family retreat consists of two to three days of connecting with another. We play games, mini-golf, and go swimming together, but we also have conversations that assess where we are individually and as a family. We use worksheets that were inspired by 360 peer reviews commonly used by organizations.
The benefits of having these retreats are:
It Increases Self-Awareness - When you receive feedback from multiple sources, you get a full view of yourself, one that is not one-sided and biased. This information gives us a sense of how others perceive us and how our behavior impacts those around us. This is vital for both parents and kids.
It Provides A Full Perspective of Strengths and Weaknesses - Our retreat worksheet touches on how we get along, are we courteous? Honest? Everyone gets to give their opinions, not just the parents, which produces a multi-dimensional perspective. We have a chance to cheer each other on and make suggestions on how they can improve.
It Builds Confidence and Boosts Morale - Dedicated time to give honest feedback allows family members to feel heard and as a result, they believe that what they say matters. This cultivates an atmosphere of openness. They can feel assured about how they can move towards their family values.
It Empowers Us. - As parents, we gain greater insight and understanding into our kids and can then come up with creative ways to parent them. Even siblings gain insight into who they each are and how they can interact with one another.
It Increases Accountability - As we have these discussions, we acquire language around behaviors and the expectations we have. This allows us to hold one another accountable to our values as well as encourage each other in our growth.
Fosters continuous improvement - Busyness can prevent growth. Annual retreats and mid-year check-ins remind us over and over again of who we are becoming and address the areas of our life that need attention.
To read more about our family’s first retreat check out my post Harnessing the Power of Peer Reviews for Your Next Family Retreat.
We started having our family retreats when our kids were 8,10, and 12, but I believe you can host them your kids are younger than ours were. You can start when your child old is able to have a conversation and give their opinion on things such as when do they feel most loved, what they like most about your family, and what they like least you can begin to do this.
The Family Retreat Packet we’ve created contains worksheets for kids 3rd grade and beyond, but you can customize your discussions for younger children. The packet also includes sample itineraries and activity that will save you time planning.
Here are a few suggestions we have:
Get Away - It is easier to focus on your activities and discussions when you are not at home.
Alternate family building discussions with activities and special treats.
Keep discussions to 25/30 minutes. Also, be mindful of the pace of our conversations. You may need to slow it down or speed it up if needed.
Research restaurants and activities in the area ahead of time.
Create a schedule and stick to it.
We were surprised excited, and cooperative our kids were at our fun, yet meaningful family retreat. They enjoyed spending time together and sharing what they were thinking and feeling with us. Year after year we continue to marvel at how articulate and open we all become during the discussions.
Full disclosure: It’s never perfect, but we do our best to be patient with the process.
Are you interested in hosting your own retreat?
We’ve taken the guesswork out planning yours by creating the Family Retreat Packet. It’s guaranteed to save you time!
Our Family Retreat Packet includes:
Sample Itinerary
Packing List
Activity Suggestions
Discussions Worksheets
and much more!
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.
Why You Should Assess Where Your Family Culture is Now
In order to successful move forward in the family culture building process it's important to know where you are starting from. Here are some steps that you can take to assess where your family is so you can easily move to where you want your family to be.
Change starts with awareness. This is true in every area of life, including family culture!
As I mentioned in a previous post, there was a time when our busy schedule created a culture of survival in our family. We’d often say to one another, “Let’s just get through this week.” After we got through one week, there was still another that wasn’t much different from the one before. One week turned into a month; a month turned into a year. Frantic was no longer the exception, it was our norm.
At the time I was volunteering for everything, because as a stay at home mom, I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. We lacked community and were scattered in different directions, doing our own thing.
To make a change we had to be honest with ourselves about where we were and how we felt about the life we were living. At first this step made me uncomfortable. I already knew we needed a change. I wanted a quick fix, and I didn’t want this to slow us down.
But, at the end of asking ourselves the hard question, “How are we really doing?, we discovered common threads in our choices. We were thrilled with the areas of our life we built with intention and unhappy in the places where ‘no decision’ became the decision, and where “let’s see what happens” guided us.
In order to successfully move forward in the family culture building process, it's important to know where you are starting from. << Tweet This!
Keep in mind; you don't have to be failing miserably in any one area for this to be worth doing. The assessment stage simply reveals if you’ll need to take significant steps to get you where you want to be, or if you just need to make a few tweaks.
If you are married, it is ideal to do this activity with your spouse. However, I know that’s not always possible. I want to encourage you to do this work anyway. Whether you are a single parent or have a partner that’s not on board with this, you can still have a significant impact on your family through small intentional steps that are anchored in what matters to you.
Here are the steps that you can take:
Pray – Invite God into the process.
Assess - Give each of the areas of your family life a rating between 1 and 10, along with a few thoughts on why you chose that number.
Categories are:
– Community/Friendships
– Family Relationships (spouse, immediate family, and extended family)
– Spiritual + Personal Growth
– Recreation
1 means you are not satisfied in this area and want to see radical change. 10 indicates you are happy with where you are and can’t imagine things being any different.
Feel free to create additional categories!
Write down your answers. - I highly recommend this. In my experience, this really allows me to think deeply and explore what comes to mind. Plus it serves as a reference when you start building and implementing culture. I also love that you can look back at what you’ve written to remind yourself how far you’ve come.
You can do this activity on any piece of paper; however, I have created a handy guide to walk you through the process. You can download it for free in the show notes of episode 03 of The Family Culture Project.
Sit with your answers. - Don’t try to explain them away or change them immediately. Consider the circumstances or choices that got you where you are. And absolutely, don’t get stuck in the negative, be mindful of the good in each area!!
Your next steps will be easier to decide after you’ve done this.
Once my husband and I examined and shared where we were in each area, we were better equipped to talk about what we wanted for our family, which ultimately set us up for success in the culture building process. Doing it as a couple, helped us to know and understand each other’s perspective better.
How is your family doing? You can leave your response in the comment or email me. I am here to cheer you on.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Change starts with awareness. This is true in every area of your life. Your Family’s Culture is no different! In order to successfully leap forward in the family culture building process it’s best to know where you are starting from.
Need help with the assessment process? There is an incredible resource in the show notes you don't want to miss!